Recently, I’ve attended many events, and inevitably, the most-discussed topic at social events for women is finding a partner. The discussion starts with how hard it is to find a good man, especially in Vancouver. Then the talk moves to the various methods of finding a partner, with the internet being the most used one. This applies to every city in the world and to both women and men. Contrary to the popular belief that men have an easier time finding a partner because they tend to be more cool-headed, they also struggle to find the right partner.
Finding the right partner can take some time, and you may meet many unsuitable partners along the way. At the same time, it can be fun and rewarding—if you are prepared for the adventure. The best way is to work with a coach to tailor a program specifically for you and talk about results and progress along the way. If for various reasons you cannot do that, here are the core pillars for finding a partner:
- Define what kind of a partner you want. I ask my clients to put a list together with “yes” and “no” traits, or those you want your future partner to have and not have. As I have noticed in my recent conversations with women, it is easy to start with the negative ones, but that’s OK. Start with those and then build the positive ones as a mirror to the negative ones. Think of all kinds of traits, from physical to spiritual, professional, personal, etc. One example of a negative trait I have heard is, “I don’t want my partner to be lazy.” So start with that and then then give it a positive spin. What does “being lazy” mean to you? “Being active” is the immediate response, but take it a step further and think about what that looks like to you. The positive trait can look like, “I want my partner to be active, to love practicing sports and to be engaged in his professional network.” Or, “I want my partner to be active and to love the outdoors.” See the difference? Think about you and explore the meanings for you.
This process may take several days or weeks. Sometimes with my clients, we take a couple of months, and that’s OK. This is a very foundational step, and you want to be happy with it. By doing this list, you actually discover more about yourself and your values, as the traits you want in your partner truly represent your values.
- Prioritize the “must-have traits” in your partner. From the list you built above, choose your top three to five traits from both the positive and negative sides. It could be that your ideal partner is loving, affectionate, caring, ambitious, etc., or that you cannot respect a man who talks too loudly (Don’t laugh, this can be a definite no for some women!).
- Be what you ask your partner to be. Look at your list and ask yourself, “Who do I need to be to meet this man and have a fun, long-lasting relationship together?” You’ll find that you need to be the same as your partner: ambitious, affectionate, etc. (if you have these on your list). You’ll discover that you need to match your partner’s traits to be able to build a long-lasting relationship.
- Take action. Now that you are equipped with the map to determine how you want your partner to be, explore where you can meet him. If it is a physically active trait that you listed, then think about where the best place is to meet a man like that. You’ll need to look in a gym or sports club rather than in a bar. You get the idea.
Be organized and list all the places you could meet your partner and go there regularly. Making the list won’t make it happen. Don’t be afraid to try few places if the first place you tried doesn’t resonate with you. As mentioned before, this may take some time but the results will pay off. The internet may be an option, but I wouldn’t keep it as my only one. There are examples of people who met online and lived happily ever after; however, they tend to be the exceptions to the rule.
- Let the process work and enjoy the ride. It may take several weeks or months until you find the right partner, based on the focus you put on your action plan. Don’t despair. If you are taking action and focus to become the person your future partner will want to be with, you will love the process. Take notes along the way and celebrate small successes!
Try the above and do let me know if you found your partner! Partner with me, and we will work on building your love story. There’s more to explore and look into. Having the right partner by your side can be a great blessing.